like you

This is a suicide chatroom. I'm like you, dear. While having lesson, I suddenly remembered how I resemble you. So sad right? Taking the bad things. What good do I possess?  It's creepy...how alike we are. I want to escape now, I want to go homw. But home isnt exactly the place I wanna go. Idk where I want to visit.  Like a night bar or a lounge.  I need xalm music right now.

child

When I was a child, I cant convey my thoughts well. I have difficulties in conveying how grateful I was and how happy I was. Because of that, I hurt people despite I like them a lot. I remember when i was young, my aunt bought a pretty doll for my birthday. Because I like it a lot, I didn't want to touch it. I left it to sit on the table and not to stain with my fingerprints. But people thought I hate the doll so I was scolded by my dad on my birthday itself. I don't know what's going on when I was young. But now that I grew up, I think my dad is so insensitive. He shouldn't scold me when it's my birthday, that's my only happy day but he ruined it. The thing is, people always misunderstand me. Up till now, I'm still misunderstood constantly.

Paranoid

I'm becoming very paranoid. I'm afraid of being judge and people comforting me. What do they expect me to reply? Tell them I'm ok when I'm not? Or just tell them my real  pain? But dear, what do you know of my problem? What can you say to me? Tell me everything will be okay soon? Or just tell me to ignore everything and proceed forward? If you cant say anything comforting, what are you comforting me? Are you sure u want to comfort me or you just want to know more of my problems and use it as a weapon against me? I know I'm being paranoid but that's how afraid I am. I'm so tired to go to school recently, I feel that all eyes are on me because they are judging me. Thinking how disgusting and horrible I am, thinking it would be better if I'm gone. I'm starting to shrink. So small and so vulnerable. I have such ugly soul. I have nothing pretty in me, no face, no life, no soul, no bones. I have no bones, I'm a lump. Anytime from now, I can cry, anytime from now I can fade off. If you think I'm being weak because of my classmates, you're wrong. I'm not weak because of them. I'm weak because of myself. I can't seem to accept anything. I'm taking things in without processing. I'm following people without a brain. How pathetic... and now, I conveyed all my insecurities here. Not all, but at least all that my incoherent brain can think clearly

Unknowingly it's already June, i'm currently having my June 3-week break. Although it's a break, it's clearly packed. I have 3 projects and 2 individual reports to complete before the week end. Life really isn't easy. No one said it is anyway. However, I can definitely endure it. I really want to graduate so badly. I believe Poly life will end quickly anyway, looking at the amount of break we will be having during September is making me crazy! 6 weeks!!! I got to really do something productive within that 1 month and 2 weeks break, if not, I will kill myself for being so stupid. Nonetheless, right now isn't the time to think about September break but my JUNE break! WHICH IS NOW!!! i got to produce some productive work, which of course is a challenging task for me as i'm a super lazy woman....whatever it is, I will really start working this Friday and hopefully, I can finish my homework ASAP ! jia you!

First post in 2013!

Hello! It has been a while! I'm so sorry for not blogging consistently :( in fact, I have completely neglected my blog. Okay, I'm not going to make some mundane excuses. I am just really really extremely LAZY ! Plus, I think that no one really reads one another's blog that frequently anymore so I just let blogging off my shoulders. I'M SO SORRY! Although I feel guilty, I can't promise to write consistently :( that's mainly because Poly is starting soon! Actually, tomorrow is going to be my first orientation day in SP. Seriously speaking, the idiot who planned this FOP (Freshman orientation programme) is the stupidest person I ever known. This programme lasts for 4 days and in those 4 days, only the 3rd day is truthfully used to make bond between my classmates.
First day : registration and meeting with your tutor
Second day : training for SPICE account
Third day : ice breakers
Fourth day : FLAG DAY ?!?!?!
WHY THE FREAK IS FLAG DAY IN MY ORIENTATION PROGRAMME?!
Please! I haven't even learn a thing from my school which means that the school has not helped me in the simplest way BUT I have to contribute to the school! Wtf?! where's the logic?

Well, I guess I should just stop complaining and make this post more cheerful.
As for tomorrow, I am actually pretty excited but nervous. However, I believe everything will be all right (:
This longgg vacation had been a fruitless one :( I worked my ass off from November all the way till Christmas then I gave myself a stretching break to slack == Somewhere during March, I went Taiwan to climb mountains...yes, you read correctly. I went to CLIMB THE MOUNTAINS!!! How ridiculous can this be? Normally, travelling is to allow us to shop and understand different cultures. But I went go exercise. Hahaha, but it is really quite fun. Night market is really the best thing in Taiwan. Fruits too! DESSERT!!!

And unknowingly, school is starting tomorrow...fast and ....just really really fast. I didn't even gain any knowledge this holiday but everything is ending :(((
But now, I am trying to take my life extremely seriously.  Don't count the days but make the days count!
Byeee (:

END OF 2012 !

Today is the 31 of December 2012. After 12am,it would be 1st Jan 2013 (:
Honestly speaking,i don't have much feelings because i'm not affected by the time that passes like the water in the river. However,it's still an important day to mention in my blog.

Okay,same old thing.
2013 RESOLUTION!

1)lose weight :( HAIZZZ!! WHY AM I STILL SO FAT?!
2)drink a glass of water once i wake up.
3)CONTINUE TO LOVE KAT-TUN AND AKAME
4)gain more knowlegde
5)fix my english
6)learn japanese
7)never give up on violin !
8)appreciate the people around me
9)be a nicer family member
10)accept me for who i am.

THAT'S ALL ! ^^ !

I really hate myself sometimes. I hate my character. I hate my attitude. I hate my imperfection. I hate my weakness. I hate how judgemental i can be. I hate how irresponsible i can be. I hate looking into nothingness. I hate longing for something unattainable. I hate how indifferent i am to others. I hate how revengeful i can be. I hate my inner self. I hate looking at no one. I hate giving myself fantasies. I hate acting like i'm in need. I hate being apathetic towards my family members. I hate how cold my heart can be. I hate how i can turn down my close friends. I hate how easily disgusted i can be. I hate lying to you to cover the truth. I hate myself for letting u believe in lies. I hate myself for deceiving you. I hate how easily annoyed i can be. I hate how quickly i can cry. I hate my tears that flow too quick. I hate my raw emotion accumulating. I hate my anger spreading.